LOUD LOUD LAGOS

 “Aunt slow down I can’t catch up!” Zona yelled trailing Aunt Gertrude as they made their way from the baggage claim. She wondered how the septuagenarian moved so quickly that she often had to break into a mini sprint when it looked like she was losing Aunt Gertrude in the Murtala Mohammed II airport crowd. Zona was visibly exhausted from the 12hr flight and so was very thankful when Aunt Gertrude and the Cab man finally settled on a ridiculous ₦15000 bill no thanks to the recession the country currently was facing.  She didn’t understand the igbo language they spoke for the most part (and made a mental note to brush up on the little she learnt growing up, probably add some if she can) but was certain the dapper looking middle aged cab driver implied he had brought the price ‘below the usual rate’ because Aunt Gertrude was apparently his ‘sister’ or in his word ‘nwannem’. She wondered if every igbo person considered each other sibling or just when it mattered. “alright alright” aunt Gertrude said trying her best to mask her foreign ‘oyinbo’ accent, “help me get the luggage into the trunk – the boot” she corrected as soon as she saw the perplexed look on Nonso the cabbie’s face when she used the American terminology for the open space at the rear of a car. 

 She had since learnt from her many visits to Nigeria to make the conscious effort to sound very ‘Nigerian’ whenever she was in the country or at least in certain settings; sounding ‘abroadish’ in the market place will definitely have you buying goods at higher prices just for the mere assumption that you are in possession of the dollar or its equivalent in Naira which was big money, on the other hand being quite fluent with an outlandish English accent in an official setting gets things moving for you. Just roll your ‘Rs’, throw in some “wannas” and ‘gonnas’ and they will be eating out of your hands. 

In the day, folks with British accent usually got such preferential treatments but not since it had become a trend and ‘British accent’ learning schools started to pop up in every city was the VIP treatment only reserved to the folks with the rolling Rs, our American brethren.  “here, call Obiageli and let her know we arrived safely alright?” Aunt Gertrude handed Zona a little phone that looked like it only came out whenever she was in Nigeria. “Ok thanks” Zona said and quickly started to key in her mom’s number whilst giving herself a mental reminder to visit an AIRTEL office and get herself a viable ‘SIM’ card as she had initially planned after a thorough inquiry as to the best network service providers in Nigeria. “Don’t expect the call to be entirely smooth o” (adding the ‘o’ at the end to sound as Nigerian as possible) Aunt Gertrude said as Zona waited for her mom to pick up; a wait that seemed to be unending. “International calls are better and clearer during night time anyway, but just let her know we arrived safely and maybe at night you two will talk if you have the strength to that is” Aunt Gertrude said almost at the same time that Obiageli picked up “mom! Mom it’s me, Zona! Can you hear me? hello hel- hello” “I don’t think she can hear me Aunt, ugh the connection sucks” Zona said frustrated with the less than average quality network and hoped that when she eventually got a SIM card from AIRTEL Nigeria, the network reception would be a lot better than whichever ONE Aunt Gertrude was using. “Maybe I should simply send her a text” she said questioningly to Aunt Gertrude who nodded in affirmation “that would probably be better cos’ am not even sure I have enough call credit in that old thing”. Zona had already started to type a message to Obiageli when the Phone went off without prior warning, she cursed under her breath and Aunt Gertrude apologized for the whole phone troubles whilst asking Nonso to help her charge the phone with his car charger. Zona wondered what was odder between Aunt Gertrude’s rare ‘niceness’ and Nonso’s clearly polished English with what she thought was a hint of British accent.  She will have to wait for some other time to call her mom, for now she will fix her eyes on the road and maybe find out if there was a commotion of some sort ahead or the ‘city’ of Lagos was just extremely Loud!

Till next week...

Foot Note: Hi guys, happy weekend. Sure your day is swell? I am so so so sorry didn't post an episode in the past week, my computer broke down and I couldn't fix it as soon as I had wanted. I feared if I have let you guys down, please bear with me. Am back now *drum rolls* 👏👏👏👏👏 

I sincerely hope you are enjoying my public diary and sharing with your friends too. love love love you guys! Zona says hi too lol! have a great weekend.